The Art of Fucking Up
by BluStrawberri
Summary: In which Phil needs help writing his speech, Dan's about to have a full-blown emotional breakdown, and somehow they end up making things right along the way. Phan PhilxDan Amazingphil danisnotonfire Rated T for Dan's potty mouth! Don't worry, not as sad as it sounds.


**A/N:** Wow, I really have been inspired to make a bazillion stories. I guess I haven't written them in so long, they're just kind of spilling out of me. I also have my English class to thank for that. Man, writing these two is addicting. I really hope I got the characters right. I tried to make this one a bit lighter and not as dialogue-heavy as the other one. I can't help it; I like writing angsty, sappy messes for these two. It fits so well into what might actually happen, at least in my humble opinion. Please review, and tell me what you think!

**Warning:** Dan's dirty mouth. The "C" word _is_ mentioned, because I've always thought that it's so cute when Dan says it and Phil gets offended by it in the videos. Phil cusses a bit, too, but it's more out of frustration than anything.

Edit: I really need to look over my stories before I publish them because _man_, tense changes galore! This is what I get for writing so early in the morning. I think it's fixed now.

OoO

"Fuck _me_," comes the frustrated grunt as Phil runs a hand through his hair.

_Gladly_, Dan supplies in his mind, following the motion of the taller man's fingers as they tangle in ebony locks. His voice, however, drawls: "Only if you had boobs and a cunt."

Phil gives him an irritated look as his hands come to rest on the table. "Would you please not say that word?"

"What, cunt?" Dan retorts gleefully, grinning.

Phil's look turns into a fully formed glare. "Seriously, cut it out. You know I don't like that word."

Dan can tell by the way that Phil's voice cracks slightly at the end of his speech that Phil might possibly be on the verge of a mental breakdown, so Dan is mostly sincere when he says, "Sorry. What's up?"

Phil groans, running his fingers through his hair again and yanking slightly at the ends. "I really have to have this speech done by tomorrow. I'm supposed to be doing a panel on video editing and all I've come up with so far is, 'Thank you all for coming'. It's so frustrating!"

"Don't you have someone that can help you, like a speech writer? I'm sure we're almost famous enough to have one," Dan deadpans, cringing inwardly as Phil sends a blank stare at him. "But seriously, I could help you. I'm not that good at speech-writing, but it might help to have another set of eyes."

Phil smiles brightly and nods, a look of relief on his face. Dan tries to pretend like it doesn't affect him, that smile and the way Phil suddenly cheered up because of something _Dan_ said. Dan bites his hard on his lower lip and manages to hold back his gooey, almost certainly lovesick and pathetic smile. He moves over to the seat next to Phil on the table. "So what are you having trouble with?"

"Well, I'm not sure how to start," Phil explains, pointing to the piece of paper in front of him that has so many scratched-out words that it's almost entirely illegible. "I mean, I know what I want to talk about; that part's easy. I just need to figure out how to come up with something clever so the people in the room aren't bored to tears. What do you think?"

Dan leans over to inspect what Phil has already written. Their arms brush accidentally, and he tries to ignore the spark of lightning that zaps straight down to his groin. He's pretty sure he has goosebumps, and he hopes Phil doesn't notice the new rosy tinge to his checks. He swallows and tries for a level voice. "Well, just think of it like one of your videos. You know how you always say, 'hey guys'? Maybe start with that. It will make you more comfortable, and the fans in the audience will be amused. You might start with an intro for those that might not know you, and say what you do and why you've come here. Maybe tell a story or two. I know you have tons of good ones."

Dan flicks his eyes over to Phil and sees that there is a slight reddish hue on the taller man's cheeks. Phil is staring intently at Dan, and Dan squirms uncomfortably in his seat at the intense look. Phil stares at him for a while, and Dan finally finds his voice and nervously asks, "What?"

"That's genius, Dan," Phil says, awe in his voice.

"Oh, please," Dan waves it off with his hand, "I'm sure you could do better if you weren't so nervous. I'm the one that doesn't have to stand up in front of a room full of people and talk, so it's easier for me to have an opinion about it. Anyone could do it."

"You really need to stop criticizing yourself," Phil says softly, an unreadable look in his stormy eyes.

Dan swallows. "I don't do it _that_ often. Besides, isn't it healthier to be honest about yourself rather than being arrogant or cocky? I just happen to have a few more flaws than most people. It's no big deal."

"It _is_ a big deal," Phil murmurs so quietly that Dan can barely catch it. Phil's voice lacks heat and is almost affectionate when he says just as softly, "You're so perfect."

"Who, me? No way," Dan laughs somewhat nervously. "I'm not very attractive. I have more chins than Saturn has rings, my stomach bulges over my jeans all the time, and I look like a hobbit when I don't straighten my hair. I think you have the wrong guy here. You're so much more attractive than me."

The unreadable look Phil gives him makes Dan realize just how hugely he fucked up. _Shit,_ Dan thinks, _shit shit shit._ Usually he's so careful with what he says, swallows his feelings like a shot of whiskey. Any slight slip-up and Phil could realize just how much Dan likes him. Hell, Dan loves him, and spends every ounce of his being trying to hide it from his ebony-haired roommate.

Dan tries to laugh it off, and his laugh is somewhere between a strangled sound and a squeak. He hurriedly amends, "I mean, to girls at least. You've had way more girlfriends than me, and I'm kind of awkward and bumbling, and I really don't have very much luck with the girls like you do, and—"

"Okay, Dan, that's enough," Phil says softly but sternly. "It's okay. I think you're attractive, too."

Wait—what? Hold the phone, stop that car! Dan's mind reels from that little piece of information and all of the possible meanings behind it. Did Phil mean it, or was he just saying that to make Dan feel better? Does Phil like him? Hell, does he even like _men_? Questions bounce around Dan's head as his mind spins, and he feels slightly giddy and somewhat nauseous at the prospect that Phil might actually _like him back_.

Phil suddenly laughs with a slightly girly giggle that is all Phil. "Man, you should see the look on your face right now."

Dan's stomach plummets and nausea takes over as he looks at Phil, who is failing to hide a grin behind his hand. Was it all a joke? A game? Shit, that was really fucked up. He's ready to yell at Phil about teasing him, and opens his mouth with a few choice words hanging on his tongue, but is cut off before he can even utter a word.

Phil must have seen something in Dan's face, because his grin drops immediately and his face takes on a more concerned look. "Shit, Dan, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that. It wasn't a joke; I was being serious. You just looked so cute with your mouth hanging open like that and I couldn't resist teasing you. Shit, this was not how I wanted this to go at all."

"Wait, what?" Dan finds himself saying out loud, slightly incredulous and still reeling from the fact that Phil Lester, Phil _fucking_ Lester finds him cute. "What are you talking about?" He tries to keep his voice even, but it proves difficult and the last word turns into an embarrassing squeak.

Phil leans down and bumps his head rather forcefully into the desk. He lets out a frustrated groan, and it's a few seconds before he answers. "This! This whole thing. I was trying to come on to you, Dan, and I think I failed rather spectacularly. I really didn't mean to insult you or come off as a dick or anything. I've fancied you for a while, and this is just my stupid, poorly thought out way of telling you that. I really thought it would go smoother than this, I swear. Leave it to _me_ to blunder it up."

For once, Dan's thoughts shut down. All he can think about is this: _Phil fancies me. He _fancies_ me._ He tries closing his eyes to will the thought away, but it skitters back and forth across his eyelids like a movie screen. _Fuck_. He opens his eyes to find Phil sitting up and staring at Dan with a mixture of apprehension and affection on his face.

Dan can't help it—he starts laughing. Like, really laughing. Phil looks at him as though Dan has suddenly grown two heads, but it only makes Dan laugh more. When he's finished and out of breath, he wipes the tears from his eyes and explains, "Leave it to us to make something so simple so utterly fucked up. I guess that's just how we are. That's why we fit so perfectly together—we're two fucks who have completely no clue what they're doing."

"So are you saying yes?" Phil's voice comes hesitantly, and he bites his lower lip nervously. It's so utterly _Phil_ that Dan can't help his smile.

"Yeah," Dan confirms, "yeah, I am."

And the smile that lights up Phil's face is worth all of their awkwardness and their general lack of normality when it comes to expressing feelings. Phil suddenly turns a shade of red and stutters a bit when he asks, "So can I kiss you now?"

"I guess that's what you're supposed to do in this situation," Dan drawls lamely, his confidence boosted somewhat. Phil gives him a bland look, and Dan chuckles slightly before forcing a casual tone in his voice as if his heart wasn't beating a billion times faster than normal, and amends, "Yeah, go ahead."

Phil tastes like strawberry lollis and a hint of spice, and Dan revels in the feeling of the slightly chapped lips against his own. It's a bit of an awkward position, and when they break apart, Dan shifts his body so that he can give Phil a p_roper_ kiss. A warm feeling settles into his tummy, and the next kiss sends chills down his spine. And the next one. And the one after that. And the many, many ones that followed after _that_.

When the two men are left panting and Phil rests his head against Dan's, Dan has the sudden urge to quip, "That was good, but maybe next time we could work on the presentation a bit more."

"Oh, you utter _sod_," Phil groans, untangles himself from Dan. "I completely forgot about my speech! It's almost 1 am! Now I have all these things to think about _and_ write a fully coherent speech!"

"Well, it was worth it, yeah?" Dan asks casually, but it's a bit forced and he's positive Phil sees straight through him.

"Yeah," Phil smiles brightly, and Dan has to clutch his seat to keep from falling out of the chair and swooning pathetically. "It was."


End file.
